Day 6 (Monday 20th March)

Slowly nearing the first big hurdle, the one week mark. Last Tuesday at 7:30 a.m in the morning, I had my last cigarette. It has not been easy so far, with the more than occasional craving waves hitting the body and mind. The withdrawal persists for five minutes or so, and it has generally been the longest collection of five minutes I have come across. Sometimes, I almost felt compelled to run out to the cigarette store downstairs, just across the street, and buy a pack. I have vividly imagined the relief and exuberance I would have felt after the first puff, almost akin to an orgasm, though I wouldn't know what the latter actually feels like (ahem). I, like many teenagers in their prime, had done my research. But I waver from topic at hand.
As I was saying, as vividly I have imagined the exuberant first puff after a number of days without nicotine,  I have also imagined the dark deep abyss of self loathing I'd have felt immediately after. If anything I have perfected over the course of my perfectly below average and under achieving life so far, it has been my attempt to loathe myself for the life decisions I've made and the lack of achievements thereof. And I didn't want to add to the laundry list of poor decision making and lack of will power to sustain myself to an earlier easy-appearing judgement call. In a nutshell, my loathing of my self loathing abilities has kept me going so far. But as the days pass, the duration of the most  withdrawals seem lesser and lesser. As I said earlier, the first week does seem to be the toughest. But then again, you can fall off the bandwagon even after six months, or a year; when you seem to overestimate your ability to control your urges and think that one puff will not matter after so many days , and you're never going to fall back into the abyss again. Trust me, you'll be proven wrong and horribly so. But, we'll cross the bridge when we come to it. As of now, the third hurdle appears overtaken. First hurdle was the first 24 hours, second hurdle was the first three days, and this, one week , is the third hurdle.
As they say, any habit to form a part of your routine takes approximately 21 days; so does to get rid of a habit I guess. On to the next hurdle then, 21 days nicotine free.

The first week is always the toughest, or I really hope so.

Like countless people across the globe, I have tried to quit smoking at least once everyday, and taken a resolve to do likewise. But invariably, with the first cup of tea in the morning, the first cancer stick (as one of my friends succinctly put it) was invariably ignited. So was the resolve to quit, from the next day, and so on. As I write this, the craving inside my body and especially my brain, is at an uncomfortable high. This is my fourth day without a puff, and frankly speaking, I've never felt more proud of myself in over a decade. Though the discomfort over the nicotine withdrawal is kind of putting a dampener on the mood.
Over the next few posts, I'd try to share my daily experiences in my attempt to go cold turkey - for the uninitiated, it is the situation when you suddenly go off your addiction,be it nicotine, or any other kind of drugs, or alcohol. Funny that I mentioned nicotine and the other form of drugs in the same sentence. Well, going through my usual Google search mechanisms on how to best wean yourself off cigarettes, I came across a few websites - trust me, there are hundreds of them, people and groups who are ready to support you in your noble initiative. All these websites seem to tell the same story - nicotine is a form of addictive drug with the same properties as that of the other infamous members of the family - morphine, heroin, cocaine etc. Hence, don't try to stay in a state of denial over the fact that you're just a smoker and not a drug abuser. Even if you haven't ever seen a morsel of cocaine or heroine in your life, if you have smoked regularly over the past few years and have trouble staying off cigarettes for more than a couple of hours, you're as much of an addict as the person who has a heroin or cocaine problem.